I guess some of us just aren’t created to be in a relationships or for someone to be compatible with or even to be loved in a romantic way. l’m one of those people. Looking over my past failed attempts to be in a legit relationship with a guy, I’ve came to the conclusion that my personality and who I am just is too complex and out of the ordinary, no one can handle it or fully appreciate it or even commit to it. And I don’t wanna say that its OK, because it really isn’t. That means the New Years Eve kiss, the mistletoe, and Happy V-Day won’t be any memories you’ll see in my photo album. You’ll just see me and seven cats lolz just playing but My point is that when it comes to guys I like they just don’t like me as much as I do them or they end up doing wrong by me or just we don’t work out period.Question: Do I always blame myself for the failed attempts in being with a guy? Answer: Yes! You know that saying it takes two to tango, well it’s true. I’ve never did a fully blown out investigation on my love life history but I know for a fact that all of the reason for it not working out isn’t ALL of my fault. Half of it goes to the guy and the other half is all me. Welp now that I think about it a little bit, in certain situations it can be the guys fault or my fault but the point is, that it isn’t all me all the time. The guy had a hand in it too. But anyways lolz I’m now working on accepting be alone not lonely and just focusing on me. It’s hard because everyone wants companionship one day in their lives but it turns out that everyone doesn’t get what they want. And I happen to be one of those people, too bad I didn’t figure this out until my freshman year in college. If i would of known sooner probably would’ve save me some heart ache. But I learned from those cold nights that I’m just not made to be with someone. Welp, maybe my fate will change on day and Mr. Right will be on one knee with a ring in his hand asking me to be his forever. Idk? But i’m only eighteen lolz i’ve officially got nine more year until i can start shopping at the pet store for lil miss coco pants lolz. But until then i’ma keep working on becoming a better me and growing into a woman.
PS: Wrote this while listening to Childish Gambino- Urn, if reading listen to the song to get the full affect 😀
No, im not talking about the awesome song by Ellie Goulding or the Natural Disaster. I’m talking about yelling, screaming, fighting, cussing, and throwing things. When something happens to a person that annoys them numerous amounts of times and they let it slide everytime until they finally explode and when they do the aftermath is pretty bad. So lets break his thing down so we can fully understand it, first what causes an explosion? A person is enduring pain and suffering without saying anything. Not necessarily physical pain but more so emotional. For example Sally is a nice girl and she doesnt like confrontation so when Betty spreads rumors about her she ignores it and lets it slide. As weeks go by Sally sees Betty with her friends and Betty and her friends stair at Sally then they turn away and start laughing and whispering. Sally chooses not to say anything again because Betty is immature and she doesnt wanna stoop to her level. Well today is Tuesday and Sally is having a really rough day and her comes Betty conveniently and she tries to squeeze through Sally so she can through the hallway, but this time Sally doesnt let it slide. She says “Excuse You!” Now they are arguing back and forth until Sally walks off because she doesn’t wanna accidentally punch the girl in the face. Lolz But my point is Sally was letting pressure build up when she keep letting it slide. She truly wasnt over what Betty was doing, she simply wasnt giving her a reaction. Which is a good thing because everything someone does doesnt always deserve a reaction. But somethings do deserve a reaction and eeyone feels differently about that. Some ppl may have said something the first time Betty was messing with them or others the second time or never at all. The thing is, is that when it comes to standing up for yourself, it has to be done but in the right way. The bet thing to do is say something at the beginning before it gets out of hand and dont stoop to their level. Im not talking physical. But my whole point is, is that letting it slide only builds pressure and then boom, explosion. And when you explode its not gonna good, your gonna us foul words and hurt the other persons feelings and you may even say the 100% truth but the aftermath isnt gonna be good, you wont be able to take back what you said and the situation probably gonna be worse than before, thats why most ppl walk out and explode some where else or even worse take it out on some else or even worst hurt themaelves because they feel like they cant take it and end their life or harm there body in some type of way. Which is never the answer. Self harm doesnt make anyhing better either. But my point again is that standing up for yourself ia a good thing, not bad
When it comes to dating and being in a serious relationship with someone I think I’ma have to pass. I say that because throughout my whole life in he dating aspect I always would strike out. I can honestly say I have never had a good experience when it came to me liking someone. It always ended the same, me hurt emotionally. But through the years i’ve still continued to keep hope a live and still put myself out there on the market but now as of today I’m discontinued. In middle school I experienced rejection and heart break. In high school I experienced rejection and heartbreak and in college Ive experienxed almost everything a college freshman girl can experience, good and bad. But my point is, it seems as is if that I wasnt made to be in a serious relationship, no one can commit to me. I don’t wanna be God but he created me. I think it’s just not in his plan for me to ever be happy and settle down with a handsome gentlemen. I would like to get married and have kids but I just don’t see it eer happening. This is a sad way to look at it but all the evidence leds me to thia conclusion. I guess i’ma have to learn how to accept it but its gonna be hard because I love to kiss and spend time with someone I like as more than friends and there is always cuddlig and watching tv and movies together and couple pics, just a bunch of fun stuff I’m gonna miss out on because there is something about me that only attracts guys that are unattractive on the inside and the outside. Sometimes i can pull an attractive guy but he ends up being an ass hole so. Well this is me venting, you know my guy problems sometimes effect my self esteem. I’ll feel like well dang, I wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t pretty enough, oh I know my body didn’t meet your standards. Too much makeup, doesn’t bring any attention to herself so who the freak are you, no likes on IG, booty so small i get bored when she twerking, the list goes on…But somepeople who read this may judge me oh well, I don’t care. I never wrote this for yall, it helps me get through life. So yea, welp have a good day.
Why is it that people say they love you when you do something for them???
*We all know you really don’t love me, you love what I did for you.*
I like to know what i’m talking about before I start talking about it so, before I go on my long rant…. What is self worth? Well with all the knowledge and understanding I have on this particular word, I say it is how much you value yourself. Now the dictionary said self worth is the sense of one’s own value or worth as a person; self esteem; self respect. Pretty much what I said but now that we know what self worth means to the dictionary and myself, lets talk about it for a not so brief minute. Welp, until today I never really thought about how much I think I mean or what my so-called “value” is. I ran into a situation earlier today were I went to a guys spot to just chill and talk. We texted each other before I came over so it wasn’t a surprise to him that I would could come at a particular time. But when I arrived he had his ear glued to his cellular device. It took me by surprise because he knew I was coming and he continues to do this for five minutes and so on. But in the midst of him talking to as his says “A smart guy from Columbia” and me waiting patiently for him to get off the phone, the word self worth just popped into my head. I asked myself is this guy really worth me listening to him talk to this Columbia dude and wait til he gets good and ready to get off the phone. I may be wrong but if someone came to spend time with me, i’m pretty sure there not gonna want me to be on the phone talking to someone else and have them waiting. But I said all that to say that the act was just straight up rude and I didn’t deserve to be treated like that. I realized that obviously I don’t mean shubba-dee to him and that if I stayed I didn’t mean shubba-dee to myself either. So I took the stance and I left because I refuse to waist time on someone who doesn’t respect me. So I decided from now on I will keep my self-worth in mind when it comes to meeting new people and people I already know and how it is they treat me. So I say to myself and the few people who is reading this to know how much you mean to yourself. Somethings you just don’t have to deal with, if you love yourself you won’t let people walk all over you, if you love yourself you won’t keep company with people who continuously judge you and tear you down, if you love yourself you will do better! Set standards for yourself and realize to be nice you don’t have to be a door mate.
Welp, that’s all I have to say for right now lolz but this was for me but it may be for you too, so read it if you like and learn something from it that may help you in this journey we call, Life!
Thanks for reading,
Brittany M. Pyles
(aka Minny :] )
“You won’t every know until you try, so give it a shot.”
Just something I try to remind myself when I’m really scared or nervous to do something.